Child self and adult self
By Meryem Erkan · Published on
Two inner states you can react from: one from an old feeling, the other from the present. Whoever reacts from the child self is defending themselves against something that is no longer happening today.
The term is useful because it separates two things that feel the same in an argument: today's situation and the feeling from back then. If you can tell them apart, you react differently without having to force yourself.
What it cannot do on its own: in the moment of an argument, this distinction is hardly available. That is exactly why in counselling we do not talk about it, we practise it.
If you like, I will walk with you a little further.
Every Thursday a letter, written for women, with one thought you can try out in everyday life.
If your relationship involves violence, systematic belittling, control or isolation, this is not a question of communication. In Germany, the violence against women helpline is available around the clock, free and anonymously on 116 016. Elsewhere, please contact your local emergency services or a local helpline.