Pursuit and withdrawal
By Meryem Erkan · Published on
The most common relationship pattern of all: one person seeks closeness by reaching out and asking, the other seeks safety by pulling back. The more one presses, the further the other withdraws.
Both movements are attempts to protect the relationship. That is why trying harder does not work. In this pattern, trying harder means: more of the same.
If you like, I will walk with you a little further.
Every Thursday a letter, written for women, with one thought you can try out in everyday life.
If your relationship involves violence, systematic belittling, control or isolation, this is not a question of communication. In Germany, the violence against women helpline is available around the clock, free and anonymously on 116 016. Elsewhere, please contact your local emergency services or a local helpline.